The thing is -I'm also helping two people in my life plan weddings. Heartbreak alone is enough to stomach. As someone who's really busy and risk-averse in relationships, it feels sometimes like everything may be collapsing all around me. I'm also at an age and a time where I honestly feel like I'll never get married and have kids, so I'm extra-bummed. But yes, let's walk through flower arrangements, chiffon vs. satin, aisle runners, corsages, and heels.
So, my boyfriend and I broke up right after the holidays. Our relationship was going ok, but it wasn't quite smooth. I wasn't at the top of his priority list and he was he only person on mine. We're trying to remain friends, but I'm finding it difficult. We're both trying to claim that neither of us is at fault, but we are. We're at different places in our life, so I'm going to Bonnie Raitt it out ("I can't make you love me") and keep it rolling.
I'm Southern. I always thought I was going to get married at 27, babies by 32, and then in white-picket fence it at 33. However, none of that has happened. I'm a nonprofit executive, I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T. It feels so strange. I'm a black feminist, outspoken, and I feel like I've done all I can. My mother attributes my single-ness to my weight, but I have girlfriends my size, my education, etc.,etc. who are married, expecting, etc. I wonder what it is.I told this to a fellow blogger who then wrote a scathing and insensitive post about how I'm my own problem, but I'm sorry. I'm not settling. *sigh
Anyway, I'm off to do what curvy black girls do. We go to brunch. We suck it up, put on our most fabulous outfits and celebrate others, even when we're hurting. Instead of being vulnerable (we're not allowed that), we go make the best of it, pushing our feelings down and putting the good foot forward. Act as if you feel better and you certainly will...
Until next time...JAG
